When to call it quits during dating

By DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, January 30, 2012

NOT all relationships will end in marriage and living happily every after. And since you can never tell by just looking whether or not you are compatible with someone, it is often a venture entered into with nothing but good faith and trust.

While everyone wishes to find their Mr Right without having to date frog after frog, after frog, for eternity, this doesn't mean that just because you don't want to start and restart the process over and over again, that you should not move on when the time is right.

Because truth is, though you may wish the person you are dating was the perfect one for you, he/she may not be. And despite maybe having invested your all into the relationship, you should know when it's time to move on.

Here are some signs.

1. He hits you the first time you ask about the woman you saw him with. "No one has a right to impose their will on another person," psychologist Dr Leahcim Semaj said. "None of us has the right to physically assault another person. But there are many men who take it upon themselves to do so."

The first time this occurs, walk away from the relationship. It certainly will not get better after marriage.

2. He no longer has time or attention for you. If you do not call his phone, you do not hear from him, and the list goes on and on. This shows that your appeal is wearing thin and you no longer hold his attention -- chances are someone else does.

3. You find yourself thinking about someone else constantly. If you are dating someone but find yourself constantly thinking about the new guy you met, it means you are not at a place to settle down. Therefore it is best to call it off and give yourself more time.

4. You have seen his faults and realise they are not ones you can live with. Leaving the toilet seat up is something you can handle, but if he comes home drunk and becomes abusive or is lazy and sits at home while you go out to work, then you may want to move along.

5. He treats your kids like outcasts. Your kids have to walk on eggshells around him and the only time he speaks to them is when he shouts at them to 'shut up' and 'get out of the room'.

6. You have a brother/sister type of relationship. If you no longer find each other sexually attractive, then maybe you should just be social friends.

7. There is someone else. If you have to be constantly competing with other women for his time, attention and money then you need to move on. Deeper commitment could mean sleepless nights for you as he is still playing the field.

8. You found out he is involved in illegal activities. He was the sweetest man when you just started dating, but then you found out he is a constant law-breaker who makes his living from illegal activities, like the lottery scam or selling marijuana. Chances are he will only endanger your life down the line.

9. You both have different dreams. You long to have a family, but he is bent on not having kids, or he thinks furthering your education is a waste of time since you can make money from opening your own shop at home. Obviously you are not compatible and are pulling in two different directions rather than working together. This will not last.

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When to call it quits during dating