All Woman

Stop calling his phone!

Monday, March 12, 2012    

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NOT many people will marry their first loves, so at some point in your life, more likely than not, you will have an ex. Moving on from an ex won't really be so much of an issue once you understand this logic.

However, of course, many people only get logical years after the breakups, when they've already been through the weeping and mourning and begging and stalking and witch doctors and restraining orders in an effort to win an ex back.

And then, when good sense sets in, they offer advice, similar to what I'm doing now, in order to spare others the embarrassment.

I know women are more emotional than men, so while a man can walk away from a serious relationship a woman may spend many sleepless nights wondering what hit her. Some women are not able to eat, to think straight, or to carry out their daily chores after a relationship has ended.

A broken heart is not a simple matter. I know, it can take several years for hearts to mend and instead of trying to put the hurt behind them, some women do the unfortunate thing and just give up on love.

But that's not the wisest move. Wisdom dictates that you brush yourself off and move on, no matter how hard it seems.

So how do you get over that man who's making you lose sanity and gain weight on those sleepless nights when you find comfort only in a tub of ice cream and Snapped reruns?

1. Stop calling his phone. If he has made it clear to you that he is not interested or if you realise that the relationship has come to an end for whatever reason, then stop calling his phone. When you feel like talking, remember you can call your friends or a counseling hotline. Try to laugh and talk and relieve some of the stress. Laughter is good medicine.

2. Put his things out. If you have his photos and the little trinkets that he gave you decorating your daily space, you may need to put these out of sight. Some persons go the extra mile to burn them, but if you are going to do this, it must be your choice. At least in the initial stages you need to put theses reminders out of your sight.

3. Make alternative plans. If there are things that you would normally do together, and you miss doing them with him because he is gone, do not despair. Yes he is not longer around, but life goes on. You can make plans with other family members and friends who will be more than happy to spend time with you. A friend or family member will never fill the gap that was left void by an intimate friend, but for a start they can be there for you until you are healed or until you are over your ex.

4. Change your mindset. It is not true that any one man was made for any one woman. My policy is that if he chooses to walk he should be the worst for it and you should be the better. This means that if you desire to move on, you can look for someone better so you end up being the winner.

5. Do not entertain his excuses. Once the relationship is over, you do not need to have him calling or texting to say how sorry he is and how he wants the best for you. Let him move on with his bag of excuses; let him spare you the details. Each time you read his texts or listen to his voice it can resurrect the pain that you are trying to get over. If you reach the point where you can converse in a civil manner and there is no pain, then that is your call. While you are still hurting and still missing the relationship, it is not a good time to entertain an ex in any way.

Getting over your ex may cause you some amount of pain but it is not worth putting your life on hold or staying in 'stuck mode' because there are many other fish in the sea.

Jacqueline Champier is a counselling psychologist from Mandeville.

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