Older man likes them young

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WAYNE A POWELL MA Counselling Psychology Relationship Counsellor

Monday, February 13, 2012

Dear Counsellor

I am 46 years old and I'm in love with a younger woman. She is in love with me too. All my life I've never fallen for a woman my age; it has always been for women as young as 23. I would like you to give me a little advice on this. I have met most of her family and they don't have a problem with our ages. I would love to marry this woman. She is 23. I love her with all my heart. What do I do?

It is not unusual for older men to be attracted to younger women and the same applies to older women and younger men. Most times it has to do with the physical attributes of the younger male or female. You need to determine if this is the driving force behind your interest in women who are half your age. Is it that you are attracted to the youthful adventure that these young ladies bring to the relationship in general, and other areas in particular? Is it that they make you look and feel young? Surely if your attraction is purely physical then the relationship will not last very long.

Whereas you may want to settle down at age 46 and get married, the young lady at 23 may not be ready emotionally to commit to a marital relationship, and so would want to live some life before entertaining the notion of marriage and the obligations that come with it.

A relationship where there is a wide age gap between the parties has to be managed in a very mature and responsible way. There are many such relationships that exist and they do survive in spite of the odds. The parties remain resolute and are committed to the success of the relationship.

Ensure that the relationship is maintained on an adult-adult level and not on a parent-child level. In other words, despite the disparity in age, you both must relate to each other as joint partners with reciprocal respect and responsibility.

If your lady is a party animal, be prepared to keep up with her high energy, as failure to do so may result in your demise. Keep fit and look after your health so that she will be proud to 'profile' with you and not be embarrassed. Be up on the social media platform and stay current with the lingo. You have to take a special interest in the things that young people are interested in and engage her accordingly.

Your relationship, like many others, will have challenges, but you both will have to make a concerted effort to make it work. Relationships where disparity in age exist will present their own set of peculiarities that must be effectively managed in order to ensure that they are healthy and long- lasting.

Send questions to crisscounselloronline@gmail.com.