All Woman

VIDEO: Never date a man who...

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, April 02, 2012    

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WHILE some signs may be hard to spot, there are others that come like flashing neon lights, that indicate that a second or third date will lead to nowhere but failure-land with a new beau.

A letter posted on Reddit, which has been making the rounds on the Internet, outlines one such case, where it’s better to head for the hills — or a police station — than return that phone call. The letter, from an investment banker feeling spurned after his date didn’t return his calls, is chock full of warning signs for when to let go... and run!

Psychotherapist Tamaya Wilson said there are certain signs to look for when considering whether to go to round two or three with a man.

Never date a man who:

1. Is disrespectful to his mother or sisters. A man’s mother and sisters are usually the first women in his life and the ones who are the closest to him. If he can’t respect them he will not respect you — no matter what he says or how nice he seems.

2. Says his marriage is a sham (or he is only married “on paper”). He doesn't respect his wife or has no regard for the institution/sanctity of marriage. He will not likely leave his wife for you, and if he does, one day he’ll be saying the same thing about you to someone else.

3. Is a quitter. It’s sometimes wise to call it quits on some things in life, but if this is a pattern for career, relationships, education, responsibilities, this is a big red flag. He’ll quit on the relationship too.

4. Is controlling/possessive. This is a trademark of abusers (verbal physical and emotional). It’s not about being confident or outgoing — beware of the quiet ones too.

5. Belittles you. If you are never right, stupid, idiotic, “dark”, if he doesn’t respect your ideas, opinions or choices, your relationship will be an unhappy one. He should be willing to forego his own desires for yours sometimes.

6. Doesn’t take responsibility for his choices or mistakes. No one is perfect, but it’s a mark of maturity when a person can own up to their mistakes rather than blame others, the system or “Babylon”.

7. Holds a grudge. If a person holds on to unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment, neither you nor him will be happy.

8. Doesn’t take care of his children. Irrespective of the nature of his relationship with their mother, he has a responsibility to his children.

9. Is cheating on his girlfriend or wife with you — nothing else needs to be said.

10. Is selfish/stingy. True, we are in a recession, but kindness in not only about how much money you spend, it’s an attitude.

Remember that the early stages of a relationship are the times when people put their best foot forward. So if you are seeing too many negatives at this point it’s best not to waste your time.

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