All Woman

My boyfriend is insecure

Let's Talk

With WAYNE A POWELL MA Counselling Psychology Relationship Counsellor

Monday, March 19, 2012    

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Dear counsellor,

I'm in a very confused state of mind as I'm writing to you. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but he still has insecurity issues. He's so insecure that it has now caused a major problem in our relationship.

I'm a person who likes to party and he knew that before we got together. He knew my likes and dislikes in a relationship even before we started ours. Somehow it hasn't changed his insecurity.

He sent himself a message from another phone that would indicate that I was cheating and when I found out it was him, he created a scene before my mother and sister, swearing that he was innocent. He even got other persons involved. He went to extreme levels to try to cover his tracks to show he was innocent, however, they proved futile.

He finally confessed to doing it and stated that he just wanted to find out if I was cheating. I decided to end our relationship because I don't see myself trusting him ever again and a relationship without trust will not work. However, he is asking that I forgive him. My family and friends don't trust him with me anymore. I'm afraid that he may hurt me while I sleep or hurt himself if I end the relationship. Please advise me what to do.

It is obvious that your boyfriend has either been cheated on in previous relationships or he himself has cheated why he would seek to perform such an unintelligent act that has clearly backfired on him.

Some men are so protective of their fragile egos that they will go to the extreme to ensure that they never "get bun" and so create unnecessary strain in their relationships. Most of the issues are occasioned by figments of their imagination. Others are so emotionally insecure that they behave like bodyguards to their partners, giving little or no breathing space.

Trust in a relationship is not optional. If trust does not exist, the relationship is doomed to die sooner or later.

Now he has admitted the folly of his ways and wants your forgiveness. Be mindful of the fact that people who suffer from emotional insecurities don't just drop them at the snap of the finger. These are psychological deficiencies that have deeply rooted causes that require psychotherapy.

To forgive or not to forgive is your call. Spend some time to assess the viability of the relationship and make a determination. Either way, your personal happiness and safety must be paramount.

If, as you said, he may hurt himself, and you decide to move on, encourage him to get professional help. You should not be forced to carry on a relationship under duress, fear nor sympathy.

Send questions to crisscounselloronline@gmail.com.

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