'I always knew in the back of my mind that I had been bought...'

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, April 09, 2012

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HE had sent her through school, provided lunch money when her family couldn't afford it, financing her the entire journey through upper sixth and college. Throughout that entire time he didn't touch her, but there was an unspoken agreement that she was his, because he had invested his resources into her education.

"He would warn me about dating and warned me that education was the only thing I should be focussing on," she told All Woman. "When I graduated from college I moved in with him and our relationship went to the other level. He was a true gentleman before that, but I always knew in the back of my mind that I had been bought and there was nothing I could do about it."

She said it's not an arrangement she had a problem with, as he was indeed a decent man, if a tad bit older than her. Now, 12 years after she left college, the couple is still together, parents to two children, and they now joke about his "investment".

It's a situation that's not foreign to Jamaica, where the stories are many about older men who send girls to school in exchange for sex, and even mothers who encourage their daughters to get wealthy boyfriends in order to take the burden off the mothers.

For many persons, sex is placed in one of two categories — for procreation or fun. Despite the hoopla that's often around the word, for many of us, the act is used either to make babies, or to show our affection for our partners. But for other persons the word takes on different meanings, and as Sex Therapist Dr Sidney McGill said, for a few people, there are other motivation — like believing that they should reap from their investments — that feed their desire.

In these cases — and the cases are limitless — sex is used as a tool.

"The man will say 'is me mind you and so is me first have to pick the cherry. I have invested a whole heap in you," the sex therapist explained.

Other men use sex to conquer — "In other words 'it's going to be hard to get this woman into bed, and I will do anything I can to get her into bed. Then when I get her into bed I have won'."

Other uses include for:

1. Revenge. "People can have sex to get back at someone else for whatever reason," he said.

2. Healing. "Some people, especially men, do it with the belief that it they have sex with a virgin they will get rid of a sexually transmitted disease."

3. To prove that they still 'have it'. Some men will have sex to brag to their friends about the conquests that they have had.

Dr McGill advises that sex should be in a context — and that context should be loving, caring, compassion, etc. "It should not to be used as a tool," he said.




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