YES, women love to be complimented, they love to hear how much you love them, they love to hear how great they are in the bedroom, they love to hear how good they look, and they love to hear how much you appreciate their culinary skills. But the old adage ‘some things are best left unsaid’ still stands true when it comes to certain topics. These include any points about her weight, her emotional stability, or her worth as a woman. And whether you’re just meeting her, just entering a new relationship, or are safely ensconced in mature love, you need to know what will make her completely freak out.
So if you crave peace eternal, here’s what not to say.
1. “You are too sensitive, you let everything bother you.”
This is a no-no, and while she may be a sweet, sensitive soul by nature, saying this in an accusatory way will only make her defensive and angry.
“They (men) always make it seem like being sensitive is a bad thing. They make it sound as if it is a fault rather than something that sets you apart,” Deidre said.
2. “You’re crazy” (insert appropriate hand gesture and rolling of the eyes here).
“If you really want to see crazy, just hint that you believe I’m somewhat off,” Tamara said. “That does nothing but annoy me, especially when I sometimes question my sanity too. But I don’t want you telling me that! I want you to always think of me as your perfect little angel, even when you wake up in the morning to see me standing over you with a knife.”
3. “I wish you were still as good looking as when I met you.”
No woman wants to hear this, especially when in her mind, she hasn’t changed a bit. Sure she may not be able to fit into her jeans anymore, sure she may have acquired a double chin and some pockets of fat and stretch marks here and there, but she still expects you to love her just the same. And worse, if she has to also deal with your weight gain, balding and smelly feet, the least you can do is grin and bear life with your new chubby friend.
4. “It’s OK, I cheated too.”
She cheated and it is absolutely killing her. She decides to come clean and spends days building up the courage to do so, especially since she feels it will just kill you to know she went outside the relationship while you were always so committed.
Then she breaks the news, and your response? “It’s OK, don’t beat yourself up over it, I cheated too.”
“That happened to my neighbour, and she flipped out, because she realised he didn’t even love her enough to care that she had been unfaithful,” Tanya said.
5. “It’s your time of the month, isn’t it? ”
Don’t assume that the way she’s acting has anything to do with hormones. “That’s just an insult,” Nadia said. “Don’t link my time of the month to my being off-kilter, especially if I’m mad about something that YOU did wrong. And don’t link it to my performance as a mother, a wife, a lover or a worker.”
6. “You’re such a nag!”
Women surely don’t want to hear that they sound like they are turning into their mothers, or that they have evolved from sexy siren to the household nag. So even if you’re wondering which evil fairy turned your soft-spoken wife into the village virago, just don’t mention it.
7. “What’s wrong with your face?”
“My boyfriend asked me this once, when I was stressed out and dealing with PMS and a corresponding breakout. It just shattered my confidence. Like don’t you think I can see the state of my face? I don’t need you to comment on it too, especially when you make it seem like I’m ghastly with a few bumps here and there.” A rule of thumb, guys, is not to comment on any temporary imperfection, because chances are, she’s already obsessing over it herself.
8. “I would partake of bounties now” (insert appropriate tongue gesture and dirty grin here).
“No matter how eloquently you sell your prowess in the bedroom, it’s not something I want to hear if we’re not actually in the bedroom,” Natalie said. “Worse, if the invitation comes from a total stranger. What am I supposed to say? Thanks? That’s creepy and makes me think you’re a rapist in training.”
9. “You are not the marrying type.”
“So why have we been living together for years? Why am I washing, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children and satisfying you in the bedroom?” Paulette said.
Trust us, no woman wants to hear this, especially not from someone she has been performing wifely duties for.