Avoid the gay basher, and these 9 other guys

BY DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE All Woman Writer husseyd@jamaicaobserver.com

Monday, November 19, 2012

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THERE are some guys who simply put, should never be given the time of day. These are the men who will have you doing the late night soul-searching, heart-purging sessions after they dump you, as they were just wrong from the get-go. Think the narcissist, the control freak, and the guy who believes you're just one of the many women he'll be blessing with his royal oats.

Fact is, while some guys are good to hang or even flirt with, they are definitely bad for long-term relationships. So watch out for the fellows below, previously-burned women warn.

1. The smartphone/Internet obsessed fellow. This guy will spend more time on his BB Tweeting and Facebooking and surfing the Internet — for what you would never know — more than he will spend time with you. He's the type who will wrap his phone in plastic to take to the shower with him; who sleeps with his phone on his pillow; who freaks out when his service is up, and who creates a fake life on social media, the only place he's cool. In time you will feel as if you are competing with his phone and whoever is on the other end, which could lead to loads of animosity.

2. The gay basher. This guy seems overly obsessed with gay bashing or thinks every other man he meets is gay, and spends his time burning fire and such even when there's no evidence to support his beliefs. He's too busy to chat with you but finds time to engage in heated anti-gay discussions, leaving you with that nagging feeling that that report you read was right, and maybe men who bash homosexuals are truly in the closet themselves. This guy obviously has issues with hate and tolerance, and worse, he may have issues with his sexuality, all the more reason to avoid him at all costs.

3. The guy who thinks his parents and childhood were perfect. This guy who thinks his parents and his childhood were 'oh so perfect' is one to be wary of. He will try to relive his past and expect you to recreate that suburban perfection, and he will never be able to deal with conflict in your relationship. He's also the type to have unrealistic expectations of marriage and the family, and if you don't match his cookie cutter ideal, he may be quick to bail when the going gets tough.

4. The guy who resents your accomplishments. So you earn more money than he does, or you completed your university education while he didn't get past high school. Despite the fact that he owns his own business and is well respected for it, he still resents your accomplishments and finds every reason to talk down to you, and to ask whether you think you're better than him. This means he is not appreciative of you and you'll face hell from him if you were to go for the long haul.

5. The narcissist. This fellow has an egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he is perceived by others. Therefore, he will always try to impress others while thinking about 'me' and 'only me'. Chances are, you may never get to know the real person behind the facade and your feelings will be secondary to his.

6. The guy who got dumped/cheated on. Being cheated on should be a learning experience, and many persons are able to move beyond it into prosperous unions. But beware of the guy who constantly harps on his wicked ex who cheated on him, or the ex wife he found in bed with the gardener. Be wary of the man who was dumped and who is still depressed about it, 10 years later. This means that he is so scarred from his past relationships that he will find it impossible to trust, and will become that moping stalker who will terrorise you for life. He will also constantly accuse you of things you are not guilty of, as he's so used to being cheated on, he will expect every Delilah to be the same.

7. The guy who expects you to 'mind' him. Once upon a time even if it was a guy's dream to be taken care of by his woman, he'd never readily admit it. But today there's a growth in the numbers of this kind of guy, who's quick to tell you that he's comfortable with you earning the bread, as he likes the 'independent woman'. All he is saying is that he wants you to foot the bills on your dates, buy him credit, pay for his manscaping and be his financial provider. All this while he lazes the day at home watching Maury, or going out just to get pedicures, hair gel, or tattoos. It may be nice initially to have this ripped young thing at your beck and call when you get home, but soon all this will get old, and you'll get annoyed with him always having his hands out.

8. The guy who says he's just a flirt. Even in your presence he is not shy about flirting with other women, and insists that he's just a friendly guy and he can't help it. He may even go as far as to say he means nothing by it, and insist that you accept him the way he is. But if he flirts in your presence, can you image what happens when you are not with him? This spells heartache.

9. The perennial jokester. He takes everything for a joke, like he's Santa Claus with ADHD. This means no matter how serious the issue is, he will choose to hide behind gimmicks in order to get around it. This can get very frustrating, especially when your relationship moves from the point when everything he says or does is cute, and real life sets in.

10. The woman hater. Listen to how he talks about other women. If he takes pleasure in calling other women 'skettels', and uses the 'bros before hos' phrase every time you question him; if he refers to his ex as a dang fool, or insults his mother, watch out. When the glitter wears off, he will do the same thing to you. A man with a potty mouth won't change. It is always best never to date a guy who is always putting down other women, because no, you are not that special that he would treat you any differently!




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