How shall I be revenged on him?
I think the best way were to
Entertain him with hope,
Till the wicked fire of lust
Have melted him in his own grease.
— Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor 11, 1
SHE knows exactly what the man wants, and she simply dangles the carrot of hope before him until the fire of his lust consumes him. What a picture! That's because many women believe that all that a man wants in a woman are her physical attributes, and so all that she has to do is give him a whiff of hope to catch him.
That may or may not be true. In the same way that women long for a good man, and ultimately hope to share their lives with him, men also desire to share their lives with women who are able to fulfil all their needs. Well, if not all, at least some of their needs.
But even so, it has been established that women really set the bar incredibly high, so high at times that no man alive will ever be able to attain those lofty heights. "So Usain, you ran 9.58... couldn't you try to go just a little bit faster, and also wear nicer shorts when you run?!"
It seems as if women's standards are impossibly high. That said, men have standards too, so do not think for one minute that a man is going to settle for just any and any woman. Ah, on second thought, if she's a knockout beauty with drop-dead curves and a face to die for, he may not look any further. But not all women are built like that, so many men have to look for other attributes that women possess.
That is the question of the ages; what do men want in a woman? We'll find out right after these letters.
'Call me Mistress' was a good article. I especially loved the way you switched from writing in the third person to writing in the first person. It got a little more personal and emotional that way; delving into the mind of a mistress. Keep up the good work.
Regarding women being husband-friendly, I don't have a problem with a man wanting to feel loved and appreciated, because a man who takes care of his woman should be able to count on her loving and caring. Having said that, you should also look at the flip side of husband-friendly women who have turned unfriendly over time due to lack of care from their husbands or potential husbands. Women complain about how their men are lazy around the house and refuse to do the manly chores that she cannot undertake.
Most women do love their men and what we do for them is not publicised enough. We encourage them to further their education, let them take credit for our work, because it's expected for us to soothe their egos. I would really love for you to write about what makes a man wife-friendly.
Women know that men are easy to please. All a woman has to do is just bat her pretty eyelashes, pucker those juicy, kissable lips, show a little cleavage -- show a lot of cleavage, show ample cleavage -- give him that 'come hither' look, and he is hers for the taking. But is that really true? Are men so simple and simple-minded that all it takes is a flash of leg and a peek of skin to win him over? Some say yes, while other schools of thought say that men really go deeper than that.
Other people simplify it even further, saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. What gall, what effrontery, what temerity, what feistiness, to think that mere morsels of food are enough to hold a man for life! But maybe there is some truth to that statement, for a woman who can cook well may have the edge over a woman who cannot.
Just recently a middle-aged gentleman friend of mine declared that his wife cooks so well that he would never leave her, no matter what wrong she did him. And he was serious, too. "If my wife ever throw me out I would have to go back every weekend for her cooking," he proudly declared. In contrast, his good friend admitted that his wife cannot cook, so he was forced to become some sort of quasi-vegetarian and eat flaw-flaw every day. Flaw-flaw... see crackers, bun and cheese, bulla and pear, patties and such.
It's extremely difficult to imagine a woman who cannot cook, and truth be told, it does give a man great pleasure to be invited over to dinner by a lady, or to have his wife prepare a sumptuous meal for him. It's the type of thing men love to boast about. "My wife prepare a Sunday dinner that no five-star hotel could compete with."
No wonder children always boast about how their mothers can cook. Very rarely do you hear of her other attributes, but cooking tops the list. Tales of oxtail, stew peas, bread pudding are legendary, and if a man finds a woman who comes close to his mother in this area, she's halfway through the door to his heart. So men do want a woman who can cook.
Let's not forget looks, though. For, shallow as it may sound, and maybe it is, every man wants a woman he can be proud of in the looks department. Some men take it to the extreme, though, giving birth to the term 'arm candy'. Naturally, there are exceptions, and some men do prefer women who are not so pretty, based perhaps on their own insecurity.
Yes, it has been said that marrying a pretty woman will bring you nothing but crosses, as you'll always be wondering which other man wants her, and if 10 come knocking, one may get through. Even calypso songs have been written about it, so don't just take my word. "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you," sang Jimmy Soul. But that's only if the man is insecure. The average man does want a woman who looks good, dresses well and will give him pretty babies.
A man wants a woman with social graces. Now sadly, in this modern era of iPods, iPads, Kindles, smartphones, texting, BBing, e-mailing and Lord knows what other high-tech means of communications that take us into the fast lane, social graces may be a thing of the past. Many women under a certain age have no idea what I'm talking about.
Nevertheless, a man wants a woman who is able to conduct herself in a proper manner when she's in good company. That could be at a social gathering, dinner with guests at home, dining with the boss and his family, or even attending office functions. No one wants a woman who, when he takes her out to a fine restaurant, she slurps the soup like she's sucking a bag juice, doesn't know which spoon to use, doesn't even know to close her knife and fork when she's finished eating, and basically acts as if she was raised in a barn.
That being said, many men of a certain age have no clue either, so they'll both be at home, mired in the bog of boorishness. You may deem it snobbery, but social graces are what separate us from the animals, and without it, civilisation is in deep trouble.
So don't knock it; it may be dying, but it's not dead yet, and many men still seek these qualities in a woman. The irony is, even people with no social graces admire people who have them, especially in children. "De likkle boy have class, eh, dem bring him up good and proper."
A man wants a woman who will complement him, not just compliment him by telling him nice things, but complement him, so that people will say, "My, they look so good together, they make a wonderful couple." Yes, they match, and are evenly yoked. A man wants a woman who is not above or beneath his station, for either way, it's crosses. "Lord, him chest high eh, look what kinda high-society woman him want." Or, "Oh my, couldn't he do better than that? His mother would turn in her grave."
Both statements may not be nice to hear, but they are said, and often too, for it's a reality. So most men would opt for a woman who complements them. Still though, he might throw caution to the wind if she's beneath his station. But, as the saying goes, she pretty like cook food. "Man, I know where she coming from, but she's so pretty that I couldn't help myself." Many men have admitted to this.
A man wants a woman who wants him, and yes, you know exactly what I mean when I say want. The old joke is, 'If the woman shows up naked with a case of beer and jumps into his bed, he'll ask no questions... he wants her.' Oh yes, men are turned on by sex, and no man wants a woman who does not want him sexually. In fact, history has shown that many women only have that attribute to their name... but that's all they need to get the man.
"Mi seh, the sex mad him, mek him walk and talk, and in two twos she have and hold him." Men will go willingly with not a care in the world, to the woman who will provide him with liberal amounts of sex, and desires him as much as he desires her. That's a fact. Even the preachers and relationship experts agree that sex is important for couples.
Men want bright women too, but it's not a great priority. A man will more seek out a fox rather than a PhD. What they do want is a woman who loves them back, but not too much to get crazy and obsessive.
Footnote: Many years ago, I wrote a column called 'Hellpers', in which I poked fun at domestic helpers. Notice the two Ls in the title. But as the saying goes, 'You've come a long way, baby.' I was listening to the president of the Domestic Helpers Association as she eloquently spoke on a radio programme recently, and I was blown away. Little did I know that the organisation was so large, and that it also has international affiliates in as far away as Switzerland.
They lobby for equal rights, justice, and basically to be treated fairly in the workplace. Topics like working hours and pension schemes are on their agenda.
The prime minister thanked her helper on election night, showing the importance of her helper in her life. Only two helpers helped to raise me, from infancy to adulthood, and they were more a part of the family than mere workers. That was a long time ago, and you'll say that times have changed.
Now, I know that there are horror stories from employers, but helpers also have their horror stories of long working hours, abuse, rape and victimisation. Now there's an organisation that can address these problems... and it's international.