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I would... for sex

Tony Robinson

Sunday, May 27, 2018

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In delay,

There lies no plenty,

Then come kiss me,

Sweet and twenty.

— Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, II, 3

 

Do not delay, come and kiss me right now, sweet and twenty, or even more, for I am desperate. What an anxiety, what a rush, a headlong desire to get started with no delay. For we all know what follows after a kiss, or two, or 20. That's right, sex.

Yes, it rarely ends with just a kiss, as that soft, gentle, moist, tender action is merely a prelude to what happens after — sex, which is really the ultimate goal. A kiss is merely a primer to get things started.

After my column on InCel, 'Involuntary Celibacy', I have been inundated with comments, opinions, facts and fiction regarding what people will do when they are deprived of sex. Some get into a deep depression, lose weight, get irritable, miserable and cranky, take up smoking and drinking, and even get violent at times.

But what about the average person, the married man whose wife sleeps beside him every night, what does he do to get sex? Plus, is it confined to just males, or do females feel deprived also? We'll find out all this and more, right after these virile responses to 'Involuntary Celibate'.

 

Hi Tony,

It was a Toronto woman who came up with the term, Involuntary Celibate 20 years ago as a support group. That deranged man who killed 10 people and maimed several others in Toronto belonged to that group, as do many others who walked into schools in the USA, killing several women. Their excuse was that women rejected them, leaving them sexless. People belonging to this group who commit these terrible crimes should be castrated. Barbaric? Tell that to the victims.

Christine

 

Hey Tony,

It really is a sad day in mankind's history when someone would kill people simply because he wasn't getting any sex. It has to be more than that, for if he is that desperate then he could easily have bought prostitutes. I think there's more behind that InCel group than what's on the surface. I suspect that they are sociopaths who hate women and therefore get rejected due to this hateful aura, resulting in no sex. Don't blame the lack of sex, blame their warped minds.

Carol

 

Okay, so we've established that sex is a powerful force that people and animals will go to great lengths to indulge in. “I'll climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest sea just to be with you,” goes the lyrics from the song. But what they didn't say was why they wanted to be with you. It's for sex. Also, what we haven't explored is what ordinary, everyday people, especially married folks, will do just to get a little sex.

It's not as simple or clear- cut as it may seem on the surface, for the pursuit of sex isn't necessarily always with a new person, a conquest, but often involves long-term partners or even wives. The spectrum is pretty wide, and the things that people do to get sex may surprise the average person looking on. This was brought to the fore while I was watching a clip from the Steve Harvey Show on US TV recently, where a panel of married men was asked to fill in the blanks, 'I would... for sex.'

Why it was so bizarre was that these were all supposedly happily married men, yet they were asked to say what steps they would take just to get sex from their wives. You can't make these things up.

One guy said PAY, he would pay for sex. Now, as weird as this may sound, some men do have to pay for sex, even though they're married. This transaction is disguised like hidden bank fees, with no actual cash changing hands, but he still has to pay dearly, or he isn't getting any interest from his wife.

If he takes her to dinner, dancing, theatre, visiting her family in the country, you can be assured that she'll have sex with him. He pays also by doing chores, helping her around the house, doing errands, buying her gifts. He really pays. Don't knock what I say folks, these have been corroborated by marriage experts and counsellors who have spent years studying these matters.

So Oscar Wilde was correct when he said, “Getting sex for free or paying for sex, invariably getting it for free, costs more in the long run.” Not my words folks, I'm just the messenger. Tally how much money dating men or married men spend, then compare this with the money that men spend on prostitutes and you'll get the point. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less,” is the modern version. Even so, the cynics say, “People do not get married for sex.”

Another answer was LIE. Yes, men will lie to their wives just to get some sex.

“Where were you all night until late?”

“I was doing things for you, honey, things I know you like.”

Or, “You forgot our anniversary again.”

“No baby, I was planning for a big celebration on the weekend instead, because it falls on a Wednesday.”

“Okay then, come to bed.”

With all these lies he's guaranteed sex with his wife. When I did my own personal survey, I discovered that it was really true — men do lie to their wives to get sex.

“Did I gain weight, do I look fat?”

“No dear, you're as slim as when we first met.”

“Come to bed.”

Then there's an answer that's humiliating, degrading, demeaning and demoralising… BEG. Yes, some men said that they would beg and have begged their wives for sex. Now, I must admit that no Jamaican husband who I asked admitted this to me, even though those husbands on the Steve Harvey show said they did.

The shame was just too much for Jamaican men to bear. But bedroom information does leak out, and wives have told me that their husbands have begged on more than one occasion. “Teerob, if you see that big strapping man get down on his knees and beg and even cry the living eye water for sex, you'd be shocked.”

Come to think of it, I do recall a lady telling me years ago that she made her husband cry, but it was long after that I realised what she really meant.

“I mek him bawl the living eye water before he'll get anything,” she laughingly said.

Now, a very scary answer to fill in the blanks was KILL. Yes, kill. One husband on the show said that he would kill for sex. He explained that if his wife had a suitor and he could eliminate him and get away with it, he would kill that man just to be able to continue to enjoy sexual relations with his wife after.

It's not as far-fetched as it may seem, for love triangles often end in murder and mayhem. Now we can understand the genesis of InCel, as even seemingly normal husbands admit that they secretly harbour thoughts of killing for sex. Scary.

But here's the ultimate sacrifice now, some men said that they would DIE for sex. My word, is it so sweet that men are willing to die for that pleasure? Well, it occurs in the animal kingdom where the female praying mantis devours the male after mating. The black widow spider does the same, hence the name. Those male creatures go for sex, knowing fully well that it'll lead to their demise.

But would a man knowingly lay down his life just to get some sex? Sadly some men do so unwittingly, as they sleep with women knowing that they are infected with HIV/AIDS, or are involved with a powerful gang leader or don. “I will take a chance yah man. if mi fi dead, then a just so it go.”

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will still have sex with this woman, for my rod and my staff shall comfort me.” Fact is indeed stranger than fiction. I know the things that single men will do and have done to have sex with new women, but I was astonished to learn what some married men will do just to have sex with their wives.

Mark you, these responses came from American men on a US TV show. I'm curious to know how Jamaican men would respond to fill in those blanks. I'm sure the consensus would be, “Come here woman, set yu foot good, me ready fi yu.”

As for wives, what would they do to have sex with their husbands? Alas, that's for another dissertation.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

 

Footnote: Still on US TV shows, there's a TV series called Dirty Dining, where news crews visit various restaurants unannounced and expose all the health infractions that they are guilty of. You'd be amazed at the dead and live roaches, mice, rats — plus their droppings, mould in the ice machines and other gross stuff that's found in the kitchens of some of these restaurants. Some are name-brand too. It's enough to turn you off entirely eating out. I wonder how our restaurants would fare here if a Dirty Dining crew paid them a visit? Do you know what goes on behind the scenes of where you eat? do you really want to know? Bon appétit, but caveat emptor.

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