HOLA amigos, como estan? Admittedly that is as far as my Spanish goes, so I will now quickly return to English before my multi-lingual readers start communicating with me in España and my ignorance floors me yet again.

I have been a little under the weather lately. Like a lot of other people, I had no idea I was so fragile. Yes, believe it or not, Elva, the tough one, was as sick as a baby. It just reminded me that all the hype doesn't mean a thing when you're weak. I would've given anything, yes; you read correctly, anything, to be out partying and being my usual rambunctious self. I am truly grateful to God, Minka my healer and Dr Ford. Okay, enough of the sob stories, time for the dish of the week.

What is the deal with the ever increasing number of 'wiper boys' at the stoplights yet again?

Several years ago, there was a significant reduction in these sightings, and at some corners there was total elimination. Now, they have re-energised, multiplied like gremlins and most of them have attitudes that make you want to risk it all, alight from your vehicle and give them a sound thrashing. I have encountered and heard stories of some very rude ones, who will hit your windscreen and curse you out on top of it.

To be poor may be a crime, but some of these youngsters are far from poor. A daily take, tax free mind you, can be upwards of $3,000 with no overheads.

Recently, I awoke to discover that there was no food in my humble one room, so I grabbed my purse which alas, was bone dry. Jumped in my car and upon turning on the ignition, the gas light was flashing like a cop car trying to avoid traffic. My heart crashed to the pit of my stomach.

Luckily there is an ATM in my community. I almost 'drop down' as I walked there, but I made it and low and behold in my hurry to get to the funds I missed the 'This machine is temporarily out of service' sign and the darn machine swallowed my card. I think I even heard it burp.

So, I called a friend and he said " drive the car man, 'E" means enough gas is in there to take you to me.

At Three Miles, just as I was about to make a dash through the amber light, when out steps a wiper boy forcing me to brake and miss the light. To add insult to injury he precedes to the car window, which is down since A/C was out of the equation, to ask me for a 'ting'.

Well that's when I lost it.

I looked down and this man was wearing sneakers valued at $9,000. I'm wearing $150 flip flop, with no gas, sweating and praying that I get to my destination.

Well, badmind got the best of me and with no thought for my safety; I grabbed him and pulled his face into the car right up against the dashboard. "Yuh see di light?" I screamed. I yelled hysterically at the frightened lad, he was blamed for all my problems from birth to this point. Cars honked since now the light had changed several times and I didn't care. Having vented I released the now trembling youngster and was about to proceed when he dipped into his pocket and offered me $500 whilst apologising profusely. He even directed me to the gas station nearby adding "Tek it easy mummy".

I don't mind people trying to be independent, but 20 men at any intersection is a bit frightening and if they're being impolite that only aggravates matters.

I don't even know which body to complain to since most of them converge quite near police stations. Anyway, please stay safe, wind up your windows, state a firm "no" or give what you can. Feedback welcome elvachatalot@yahoo.com Twitter @ElvaJamaica

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