IN the quest to find the right mate and live happily ever after, according to society's dictates, people often worry about a slew of things. These include, but are not limited to, loneliness, quality o f life, fidelity, growing older alone, and a lack of companionship. Even for those with companions, some of these worries still abound, especially when our partners are unreliable.
Anthony L Gordon, certified family educator, counsellor and relational health specialist from Family Relational Health Services, told All Woman that there are four vital signs of a healthy relationship, and this usually results in lower stress levels for individuals. He said from his experience, when individuals have settled down with the right person, these four vital signs become rather obvious.
Gordon named these as connection, rapport, bonding, and support. Below he explains how you stop worrying about these four things when you've found the right mate.
People who don't have a steady relationship usually worry about the element of connection, but if a relationship is healthy they usually are at ease because the connection is strong, firm, and they feel secure. “There's someone with whom I can identify, there's a sense of belonging, a feeling of being wanted, being a part of,” he said.
When you have a strong connection, you don't worry about rapport. “There is good interpersonal relationship between the two. The reciprocity builds self-esteem. You can tell your partner how you feel and they can tell you how they feel too. So your relationship with people at work may not be good, but guess what? There's someone you have a healthy relationship with, and you can look forward to that,” he said.
This vital sign cannot exist without the first two. Bonding is primarily emotional and if you've found the right one, it means you don't worry about your emotions and you're free to be vulnerable. “He or she is now part of you; if you're hurt you can share it. The person is tied to you, it's an emotional bond,” he said.
“One way to test support is at any time of the day, whether you're in your deepest sleep or having fun, you can call on your partner and it's not an interruption,” Gordon said. Support can also be measured by the concern your partner shows and whether or not they break to connect and ensure everything is OK, if you should call. Support does not refer to only material things, but also psychosocial support. “This means that the person is there for you when you need them, and also for those significant in your life,” he said.