My boyfriend is marrying his ex

All Woman

Dear Counsellor,

I've been dating my boyfriend for six months. I met him two months after he had separated from his ex-girlfriend whom he had known since high school. He started asking me out two months before their break-up but I didn't love him then. I eventually said yes to him, and these six months of dating, I would say, have been the best time of my life.

However, last month he started changing. He would no longer initiate conversations like before, and it was like I was part of a one-sided relationship. But I kept pressing on since he had told me he was going through a lot. I told him I would give him his space. Later I found out that he had gone back to his ex-girlfriend and they were planning a wedding. I sent him a message telling him to have a happy life. That's the last message I sent him. Right now I'm confused. I'm going through heartache over this betrayal and I don't know what to do.

When you date someone who is on the rebound, chances are the person may not have had closure on the former relationship and is just using the time to ease his/her emotional hurt. Your ex-boyfriend took a break from his girlfriend to sort out his feelings and to arrive at a decision about his life. Unfortunately, you were caught up in his self-centred plan.

So when the six months of bliss ended, the signs of him pulling away became obvious. The lapse in communication was an indicator that he wanted out and was developing the courage to let you down easy. No doubt his wife-to-be was putting pressure on him to do what he must do, that is, terminate the relationship with you.

The truth is that Mr Mention has decided to move on without you, and you need to do the same. Yes, he may have betrayed your trust and left you in emotional turmoil, but you just need to learn from this experience and be careful about dating men who are on the rebound.

He will more than likely go ahead and marry his high school sweetheart. In the event he changes his mind and runs back to you, you must be mindful of his indecisiveness and how that may affect any future relationship with him.

So what you must do now is wish him all the best and close that chapter. As you said, it was good while it lasted, and now is the time to move on. It will only prolong the emotional pain if you keep pining after him.

It will be difficult, but don't submerge yourself in the sea of anger and self-blame. It would make sense to avoid any communication and interaction with him, as this will only make matters worse. Re-engage with friends and family members who genuinely care for you and understand your situation. This too shall pass. Let me remind you to be careful of men who may take advantage of your vulnerability at this time, so avoid being a rebounder yourself. Take care.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.

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