My boyfriend doesn't want our baby

All Woman

Dear Counsellor,

I am 25 years old and recently got pregnant. My boyfriend is resisting the pregnancy because we have had quarrels in the past. What can I do?

Dating is a period of getting to know someone. For many people this relationship is sexual, and for others the boundary lines are clearly defined in that regard.

Depending on the intentions of the individuals involved, the dating experience can be explorative or casual. Some people date with the intention of finding a life partner, while for others it's just for immediate pleasure or fun.

I am hoping in your case it was the former, and that getting pregnant for this man was not a mistake on your part. You were obviously sexually active in this dating relationship, but were you planning to have a child at this time? Was he ready to take the relationship to that level? You did not indicate how long you were dating this man, but it seems that the pregnancy was unplanned.

As the saying goes, “If you can't be good, be careful.” Did you get caught as a result of having unprotected sex? The challenge with many dating relationships is that couples focus on immediate gratification and fail to prevent complications. When they throw caution to the wind, the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy is inevitable.

Some women believe that having a child is a sure way of “keeping” a man. A cunning woman will often tell her lover that she is on some form of contraceptive and then will deliberately get pregnant for him.

So having said all of that, is your partner resisting you and the pregnancy because he feels he was misled? Of course, this does not give him the right to turn his back on you and his unborn child. A real man supports his partner during and after the pregnancy.

Conflicts and quarrels often arise in relationships, but they have to be managed in order to prevent a breakdown in communication and trust.

If there is constant arguing in your relationship, this could be a sign of personality differences that block effective communication. It is always best to address these issues before bringing a third person into the relationship. The unresolved issues will intensify during and after pregnancy, especially if one partner is not on board.

It's important that you maintain good physical and mental health during your pregnancy. Sit with your partner and have a conversation as to the future of the relationship, and decide if co-parenting is in the best interest of the child.

Take care of yourself, and please accept my best wishes.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com or powellw@seekingshalom.org. Check out his work on www.seekingshalom.org and his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.

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