Gemini gaslighting hubby is emotionally abusive

All Woman

DEAR COUNSELLOR,

I have been married for three years to a man who is an emotionally abusive gaslighter. He never takes responsibility for any actions of his; instead he will twist the situation around and remind me of ills I also committed in the past. For example, I will point out something he did wrong, and he will remind me of something I similarly did in 2016! And then, when we have disagreements, he will spin it around so much that many times I will be left feeling like I am the source of all our problems. Things have got so bad that I am considering divorce and even cheating, just to have someone who will pay me some attention and give me some affection.

Imagine, my husband will do something wrong, I will get upset and go silent on him, and then instead of apologising he will ignore me for weeks at a time until I end up apologising to him! I will say I want a divorce in anger, and he will say he wants one too. He only shows love to me when I am happy and content, but once there is any division he withdraws his affection. He is a Gemini by the way! Are these traits of the Gemini man?

In some relationships, one or both partners are involved in mind games in which they mentally and emotionally challenge and manipulate each other. There is this constant power struggle, with each competing for a one-up position.

In your case it's your husband who is initiating the mind games and abusing you emotionally. The gaslighter is a master puppeteer whose agenda is to break you down emotionally by engaging in lies, innuendos and insults. The goal is to put you down by sowing seeds of self-doubt, ensuring that your self-esteem is shattered.

Living in such an unhealthy condition can cause psychological impairments that have lasting effects, and so it is imperative that you identify the one-up game your husband is playing and call him out for doing so. Let him know that you are quite aware of his manipulative tactics and you will not allow him to mess with your head any longer. When he realises that you are cognisant of his ploys, he will begin to withdraw and reduce his verbal and non-verbal attacks that no longer have an effect on you.

The key is to remain consistent and resolute, because once he recognises your weakness he will capitalise on it and seek to bring you back to the position where he can continue to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Emotional abuse is much worse than physical abuse, because whereas the physical wound will heal over time, the scars from an emotional wound remain with the affected person for a lifetime unless he/she gets psychological help.

If you find that you are emotionally impacted deeply by the onslaught of negativity and put-downs perpetrated by your husband, don't hesitate to talk with a professional counsellor.

No one should be subjected to such distress, particularly if they are supposed to be uplifting each other constantly as partners in a respectful and loving relationship.

On the matter of zodiac signs, I am not able to offer much insight in that regard. I will say, however, that one needs to take responsibility for one's actions and not attribute undesirable behaviour to a zodiac sign. To do so is a poor excuse and a cop-out.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com. Check his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.

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