WHETHER it is to bind a partner to them indefinitely, to destroy a person, to derive extra pleasure, or out of a desperate desire for a baby, people will mislead their sexual partners into believing that they are using contraceptives. And while some partners never find out, others are left with children — tangible evidence of their entrapment.
All Woman readers who have been stung by this deception reveal examples of their partners' duplicity below.
David, 40, tradesman:
When I was in my late 30s, I was messing around with a girl. I take the blame for going bareback, especially since I have my bona fide woman, but you already know that men can be real John Crows sometimes, and I just did it a few times because she said that she was on the five-year injection that she got at the clinic. About a year after fooling around like about once or twice a week, she told me she was pregnant. The first thing I thought was — how come the five-year injection was done in one year? Anyway, since she behaved badly when I told her about having an abortion, I just got one of my friends to get some tablets that would induce one, and gave her and told her they were baby vitamins. She told me she lost the baby about four days later. I just 'take sleep mark death', and just eased my hand gently out of the lion's mouth.
Alton, 26, auto mechanic:
I was with a girl for a while and I started getting comfortable and I began trusting her. She seemed faithful and she told me she was on the pill, so I thought there was nothing to worry about. I was wrong, though. She was tricking me, and now I have a son. It was difficult for me to accept, and while I do not regret my son, I regret the way that it happened. But that's life — we just have to live with the decisions we make in life and learn how to make the best of them.
Romar, 36, security guard:
I was happily married, but when my wife decided to run off overseas without a plan for our future I wasn't prepared for it. After a year I couldn't hold out, and my wife wasn't getting anywhere with sorting out her immigration status, so I just thought I would fool around a little, no strings attached. About two years passed and we were still going at it, and I guess the woman couldn't bother with the number two thing. One day I went to check her and she presented me with a pregnancy test. This was after she had told me she was on the pill and had hormone problems and would have to go on medication over a period of time in order to get pregnant. Anyway, before Miss Mary and everybody's mother told my wife, I did. I could see that it cut her up real bad — worse, the woman went ahead and named the child my junior when my wife and I had planned for that. My wife eventually forgave, me saying that she knew I had needs. Her papers are now sorted out and she has submitted my papers, but for the time being we visit each other as often as we can.
Patricia, 22, student:
To this day I don't know if his aim was to impregnate me, but he pretended to put on a condom. In the middle of things, I realised that I didn't feel the mild burning sensation I would get while having sex when the man wore a condom. Initially, I thought that's a first, and then I remember that this man loved bareback and was talking about getting a child. Anyway, I reached down to stroke his manhood and he just locked his hands with mine. So I just fell forward on the bed and turned around, only to see that he wasn't sheathed. I was so upset I didn't even allow him to finish. These days I don't trust him, I'm so upset. Whenever I give in to his requests I put the condom on myself.
Moy, 48, business owner:
I had just touched 30 when I met a businessman in his late 50s, and he offered to mentor me. Anyway, one thing led to another and we started to sneak around and have sex some months later because I got to like him and we were both lonely. One day he asked me if we could go without the condom. (We both had to do health checks for our insurance so I know he didn't have HIV). So I told him that I wasn't on the pill, and he said not to worry, he had got a vasectomy. Anyway, a few months down the line I got pregnant. When I told him and started to chastise him for lying to me, he suggested the child couldn't be his because he was sterile. After this man was the one to tear down the cobwebs in my honeycomb, he had the audacity! When I threatened to abort the pregnancy, he 'fessed up to wanting a child. He could have told me that because I too wanted a child and believed he would make a good father. He still remains in our child's life and he is supportive, but I couldn't trust him fully again.
Donovan, 40, construction worker:
My ex lied about being on the pill and she ended up pregnant, just so she could hold on to me. I already had eight children and didn't want any more because it is hard to take care of them financially and be around them like I would want to. I don't know why she never listened to Beenie Man when he said pickney can't hold man again. I left her because she is a liar and a wicked woman and I couldn't trust her. I take care of the child though.